The time has come. I’m changing my pronoun to he/him/his. While I am genderqueer and not a trans man, for my sanity’s sake and for walking around the world to be slightly easier, I need to create a safer space for myself out in the world. And for now, being gendered as male in pronoun form is it.
It’s very unsettling being in the same space, in the same conversation, being referred to as both ‘he’ and ‘she’ by different people. And I know that it will get increasingly unsettling for my friends in public spaces when they refer to me as ‘she’ or ‘they’ and everyone sees a ‘he’. This is just what I have to do for now to make things a little bit less complicated.
I wish I could be the genderqueer person who was ok with ‘they’. I’m not. Transitioning with hormones is difficult, and fighting the neverending battle of getting people to remember ‘they’ is just one hurdle too far right now.
At the end of the day, it’s just language for you and the validation of being seen and safe for me.
(And of course I get that it’ll be something to get used to, so I’m not going to jump down your throat. Gentle reminders from my side and she, um he from your side are the way to go. It took me a long time to get used to pronouning people correctly. The trick is to do it when you think or speak about the person when they’re not there. It helps make it more natural and unforced).