Don’t “dude” everyone: Misogyny, transmisogyny, nonbinary erasure & toxic masculinity

So much hostility towards nonbinary people and disrespect of words that trigger people. I am SO SICK of toxic masculinity within the FTM community. There is also so much emphasis on ‘passing’ which erases people who cannot pass, who cannot access hormones or surgery, or those who don’t want to pass because they are nonbinary or it is their preference, as well as intersex people.

I’m also tired of the lack of awareness of how words are gendered by patriarchy within the trans and allies community. Some words are not gender neutral. Some are.

I used ‘dude’ ALL THE TIME and for everyone. Until I met trans women, AFAB (assigned female at birth) and AMAB (assigned male at birth) nonbinary people and femmes, and intersex people. I realised that they’ve been called dudes, guys, bros their entire life and continuing to do so undermines their ‘new’ identity. It is NOT the same as calling cis women dude. Trans women, AMAB nonbinary people and femmes have to ‘prove’ and fight for their right to be seen as femme and female on a daily basis. AFAB nonbinary people and intersex people fight each day to be seen as neither male nor female. Calling them guys or dudes is tantamount to saying, “you’re still a man to me”/”you’re still female to me (AFAB nonbinary people).

I know ‘dude’ and ‘guys’ and ‘man’ have come to be gender neutral, but it triggers a lot of people. My main issue with these groups is they refuse to listen when you say they should be respectful of other people’s discomfort, and what is misgendering for some is not misgendering for others. It’s the attitude that they are the only gatekeepers to what is offensive or not.

We, as trans men and transmasculine peeps have a responsibility to ourselves and other men to avoid toxic masculinity. Cis men are, on the whole, not a great example to follow. Seeing cis behaviour as ‘normal’ is internalised transphobia and we need to be wary of that. Also, as many of us have been socialised as and lived as female, we know misogyny firsthand! Why would we repeat that pattern?!. #toxicmasculinity #nonbinaryerasure #femmeerasure #transmisogyny


Also read: Don’t bro me.

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One thought on “Don’t “dude” everyone: Misogyny, transmisogyny, nonbinary erasure & toxic masculinity

  1. Pingback: Don’t tell me, any man, trans or not to “man up” #DontBroMe #Feminism #Misandry #Misogyny | life writ large

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