The changing relationship with dysphoria

My relationship with dysphoria continues to change and move and grow less.

 I have very little facial hair to speak of, but once it came in enough to be gendered as male more consistently (a year on T thanks to Minoxidil), I clung onto it despite the fact that there were only a few scraggly hairs hanging onto me. 

And I felt dysphoric after shaving, because then my chest became more of a signifier of my gender (strange how people see beard and ignore the very obvious ‘female’ chest). 

But I’m shaving regularly now and without dysphoria as I realised that I used the facial hair to compensate for being pre top surgery. 

Now that top surgery is becoming a reality, I feel more at peace with my body. I shave more, wear my binder less, and don’t have as much dysphoria about my chest because it’s on its way out, and not part of me anymore. 

It’s like those last few weeks of high school or a bad relationship where you’re suddenly able to tolerate the intolerable, and even become nostalgic, because you know it will soon be over and you’ve been mentally and emotionally preparing for the separation. #itgetsbetter #dysphoria #transgender #FTM #topsurgery 


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