What is a healthy relationship? (with self, others & The Other)

When you have this reaction to a being (human, animal, etc.) or thing (music, art, your passion): “Thank you for being you, which enables me to be me. A rare fucking thing – beings who enable each other to be themselves without having to add disclaimers, censorship, explanations, apologies, filters, masks, personas; themselves as their best selves, their most comfortable selves, the self who dances like no one is watching.”

When you find these beings or things or passions. Fill your life with them. Never let them go. Be grateful for them. Thank them.


“Relationship” – all interaction, including the relationship with yourself, between your dark self and your light self, and including all interaction with every one, every Other*, every being, every soul, every thing.

“Healthy relationship” = unconditional love = Chosen Family = The/My Tribe = Fam = Community = Spoon Tribe = Soulmate = Sibling from another mother = Self-actualis(ing), never actualis(ed) self = A work in progress, one day, one hour, one minute at a time = Human Being = Being Human = spirituality/religion/values = Life = EVERYTHING.

The Other: anyone we as a self perceive as different to us – other races, other genders, other sexual orientations, other economic classes, other nationalities, other languages, etc.
Meaning: EVERYONE sees EVERYTHING they have no direct experience of as Other. If we cannot put ourselves in another person’s shoes, that person, thing, scares us and makes us act out of fear which manifests as anger.
ALL bigotry, (insert)phobia, sexism, racism, fear of men, etc. comes from this place of fear.
And what we fear, we react to with anger (judgement, self-defence, emotional/physical/sexual violence – with violence not just being an act of outward aggression, but passive aggression, micro-aggressions, etc.)
(The Other is a term from philosophy, coined by the Phenomenologists – great reading if that way inclined).

DISCLAIMER: Not as an apology or an explanation. Not even as a disclaimer, but words have power and disclaimers have a way of making people read the fine print.

Everything I write is, obviously, my opinion and things I have learnt in my 40 years as a human being. It is not The Truth. It is my truth. Which is constantly changing, as am I. 

Everything I write is a journal to me about my journey as a human being, a manual for living in the making, but a manual that will never be finished. I write it because I write what I like, what I love, and because I cannot not write. It is who I am. I write to remind me of the lessons learnt and to keep me on track, to keep me sane, to keep me searching, to keep me finding the answers to my questions.

Nothing is ever set in stone, except that diamond-bright solid core within the changeableness that is everything else. If what I write resonates with someone, awesome. If no one reads this, just as awesome, because I’m reading it. And without writing it, there is no Dear Reader, even if the Dear Reader is me). 

2 thoughts on “What is a healthy relationship? (with self, others & The Other)

  1. My personal experience of having grown up in a white, Afrikaner “Christian” community is that perceptions of the Other is mostly based upon interpretation of scripture, in my case the Bible. This mindfucking caused so much pain and shame to me when I instinctively realised that I am one of the Others to my family and community. It still has me in chains, as even my spouse is afraid to be perceived as being one of the Others. I admire your courage to live your authentic self and live vicariously through your conquests of the windmills that you encounter on your journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Very similar experience. I’m half Afrikaans and dad is a Methodist minister. So much damage from verkrampte Afrikaaners and Christians who live by the old testament. Reclaiming the goodness in both is part of my healing as a half Afrikaans agnostic person. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

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