To the many “how are you feeling?”s: (now that I have more spoons and words)

Deer/Dear in the blinding Light and light of day. Self-portrait. Made with iPhone 6.

Feeling much love and gratitude and remembering what makes life worth living. Holding onto that.

 

Tara didn’t admit me. Dealing with the justifiable anger of yet another failure of the healthcare system for those with mental health issues, especially those in crisis; while at the same time coming to terms with life on life’s terms; what I can and can’t control. Surviving and warrioring.

 
Don’t have the spoons or words for more than this, because the answers to “how are you?” are reserved right now for my mental healthcare team, my closest loved ones, and my self.

 
And because that is so draining, amidst the bureaucratic and bottom rung of Maslow’s hierarchy battles, much of my time is, out of necessity, spent not thinking about how I am. Just being, while trying not to think too much about being, which is a battle in itself for me as a world-class practitioner of over-thinking, a world-class athlete in self-flagellation.

 
So thank you for the thoughts, messages, space you’ve given me, overwhelming (literally) love. But this is all I can manage.

 
I will be on social media for a day or two more to share a project I believe passionately and life-affirmingly in, but then I need to focus on being. A being that has shared my journey publicly enough, effected change and shifts in world views enough on that publicly visible grand scale. I’m allowing myself, with much difficulty, to let go of what of myself I owe you, and focusing, with much difficulty, on what I owe myself. 💚🌻

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