Trauma wasn’t my fault, but recovery is my responsibility

One of the (many) recurring nightmares I have is someone or a group of people attacking me very violently. These nightmares go on and on for what feels like the entire night. I had this dream yet again the other night. But this time was different. At the end of the dream I realised that …

My five weeks of being committed to a psych hospital

The memory of a specific psychiatric hospital admission has reared its head in my dreams, so I took it to therapy this week. I was committed to Sterkfontein, a large government psych hospital where a proportion of the population are those awaiting trial for defence by insanity, or those who were sentenced to be committed …

Living with social anxiety/phobia

This is what living with social anxiety/phobia looks like. It’s debilitating. For me, it’s like being a deer in the wild - constantly aware of the threat of predators. For me, it’s not only being around other people that feels dangerous; even in situations when there is no one I can see in a social …

#rediscoveringtheordinary: Catalogue of images from solo photographic exhibition

This is a catalogue of images exhibited at Studio23, Arts on Main, Maboneng Precinct in June/July 2013.

Transforming masculinity the responsibility of the trans* community in a society of gender violence

Transforming masculinity the responsibility of the trans* community in a society of gender violence. A paper presented at the 2nd Trans* Health, Advocacy and Research Conference in Cape Town, South Africa, 30 May - 2 June 2014.

The visible Queer: Portraiture & the reconstruction of gender identity

A paper delivered at Wits in March 2014. The public, theoretical queer space is one of many languages, celebrating diversity and the multitude of queer being and potential. But what about the private, lived experience of the queer? I argue that there is a massive disparity between the public, theoretical queer space and the private, …

To my Beloved: A declaration

On the 2nd of April Noah and I made vows and declarations to each other in the presence of our chosen family in a hand-fasting ceremony. This was my declaration to Noah: I’m a very serious person, because very serious things have happened to me. In this seriousness, I default to the rational, the intellectual, …

On pain and healing #trauma #complextrauma #complexPTSD #CPTSD

In the seemingly endless and timeless saga of gallbladder pain and removal, a lot is coming up for me about the topic of pain. Today’s realisation: Do you know what happens when you validate someone’s current pain from a place of sincerity? When they know for a certainty that they, who never know anything coming …

Universes explode to make room for healing ones #CPTSD #CPTSDrecovery #ComplexPTSD #ComplexPTSDrecovery #trauma #traumarecovery

Popping in with an update. I’m still on a social media break, but wanted to let you know how I’m doing. I am starting to gain some equilibrium and have felt relatively good in the last two days. I think that the Dopaquel has finally started kicking in and the side effects of dizziness, dry …

Social media hiatus: Sanity, insanity & self-care #CPTSD #CPTSDrecovery #complexPTSD #complexPTSDrecovery #trauma #traumarecovery

**** Summary, because this post may, in all likelihood, evoke a response of tl;dr as I wrote this post, rewrote it and edited it multiple times between 19:00 last night and 06:00 this morning. TW for severe mental distress in the form of hypomania: I’m taking a social media sabbatical, but before I go I …