To the many “how are you feeling?”s: (now that I have more spoons and words)

Feeling much love and gratitude and remembering what makes life worth living. Holding onto that.   Tara didn't admit me. Dealing with the justifiable anger of yet another failure of the healthcare system for those with mental health issues, especially those in crisis; while at the same time coming to terms with life on life's …

I don’t even know how to title this, but “I’m being psych-hospitalised again” will have to do

I go for my Tara* interview tomorrow at 9am. (Tara H. Moross Psychiatric Hospital, Johannesburg, South Africa) My psychiatrist says I need to be admitted. It's been 27 days since my Sandton admission for my nervous breakdown and I've tried FUCKING HARD to ... I don't know, live life and be ok, while being a …

The chiaroscuro that is this thing called life, i. Self-portrait. 23.05.2017

The chiaoroscuro that is this thing called life, i. Self-portrait. 23.05.2017  Warrioring the BeautifulHorror in the FearfullySymmetrical World. Those on centre stage; those in the wings. There is no audience. VisibleInvisible battlescars. HeroesVillains All. “What I fear and desire most in this world is passion. I fear it because it promises to be spontaneous, out …

Silent convos about life & transition with my shadows & lights. Self-portraits with Lilith (Lily). #notestoself to/while heal/ing #11

Silent convos about life & transition with my shadows & lights. Self-portraits with Lilith (Lily) 18.05.2017 #rebirthdays #birthdaymonth#findingbeautyinnegativespaces Made with iPhone 6. Edited with Photo FX.

Popping in to say… Healing, celebrating, continuously learning to love my self

Popping in to say: 1. 1 Year and 7 months on testosterone. 2. 1 Month and 24 days post- top surgery: healing well and VERY happy with the results, physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. 3. It's not only my phone's facial recognition that doesn't recognise me - I don't; and do, for the first time. …

VIDEO: Home after 20-day Psych Hospitalisation #nervousbreakdown #BPD Video #21

https://youtu.be/wj7f9oI42TQ Returned home yesterday evening from my 20-day stay in the psych ward for my nervous breakdown. My complete three-week social media ban did me good. I will not be re-entering social media world on a full-time basis for quite a while yet; because if I do, I would spend my time justifying my need …

VIDEO: About being admitted to psych ward 5 days before my 1-month #topsurgery anniversary #transphobia #mentalhealthstigma

YouTube video: Why I'm being admitted to a psych ward 5 days before my one month top surgery anniversary. And why that's ok. And why I've been too scared to speak about it completely honestly. Too many people think transitioning, hormones and surgery are a magic wand that make everything better. We don't speak about …

Being admitted on Monday 4 psych care: YouTube video to follow #endthestigma #transgenderhealthcare #health4trans

BEING ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL ON MONDAY FOR PSYCH CARE: I will record a YouTube video speaking more about this this weekend. But, briefly (as brief as I can ever be as a writer and over-thinker) - 1. I know my mental health well enough to know what I need and when I need it, and …

3 Weeks post- #topsurgery today! #realtalk about emotions (full video soon)

3 Weeks post- #topsurgery today. Can't believe it... Blog post to come tomorrow - The #realtalk emotional journey after top surgery: happiness, relief, knowing that it saved my life, no regrets. Yes, I'm happier post- top surgery. Is it ALL happiness and betterness? No. Is anything? EVERYTHING in life is complex and filled with complex, …

19 Days post #topsurgery #Spoonie celebrations #gratitude #ChosenFamily

19 Days post #topsurgery Day 2 of my 4-day Spoonie celebration of my new chapter as boobless Germaine Sanjaya Gabriel de Larch #beyondbinaries #beyondtrans. Spoonie friends ftw! And first time post-op in one of my favourite T-shirts: priceless. Will post video discussing this feeling and about the resurgence and reclaiming of my femininity. #nonbinary #thereisnorightwaytobetrans …